Glasses, Broken Legs, and Sexy Redheads
by cleverusernamehere
Summary: If there's anything Renji loves to do to me, it's steal my glasses. RenjixOC One-shot Re-edited.


Disclaimer: Yeah, I don't own Bleach.

Rating: Teen

A/N: I re-read this the other day, and it made me cringe violently. Can someone say COMPLETE OVERHAUL?

–

This morning started off normally. The mull of sleep still intoxicated me as I performed my normal morning rituals: bathing, brushing my teeth, pulling on my uniform, etc. I despised waking up early, but as third seat of my company, it was my duty.

But that didn't make it suck any less.

Oh, where are my manners? Let me introduce myself. Akira Sakata—eternally tall and lanky. Also snarky and honest to a fault. Pleased to meet you.

Anyway, as I said, the morning was normal. I was working the knots out of my soaked chin-length hair as I stepped out onto the balcony of the Sixth Company barracks. I still find it outrageous that we have to live with each other.

Let's recap the last month: three captains defected from the Court Guard, fled to Hueco Mundo, and left all of Soul Society in chaos. The workload has tripled since those traitors left, and we're all mere inches from killing each other due to the sheer discord. Stupid to have us all continually near each other, yes?

As I slid the door to my quarters closed behind me, I slipped on my blue-rimmed glasses. I was blind as a bat without them, unfortunately. I was a _shinigami_, a harmonizer of the living and the dead...and I had crappy eyesight. Sigh.

Due to my blindness, my glasses were a constant target of playful exploitation. People found it immensely amusing to steal my glasses and have me chase after them. My oh-so-illustrious lieutenant captain, Renji Abarai, has consistently been one to do just that.

He actually reduced me to tears once. Needless to say, once he'd apologized profusely and returned my glasses, I crushed his balls.

I resented how hard it was to be hateful to him. He's probably one of the sexiest men., well, _ever_ and had red hair to boot. I adored red hair. It was beautiful and unique, quite unlike my plain black locks.

And he was actually a nice guy...under all that tooth and nail and asshole-ish-ness.

I waved my hello's to my subordinates with a sleepy halfheartedness as I passed them on my way to our central work station. It wasn't long before I was glaring at all the paperwork on my desk.

"Morning, sir," I greeted my captain as I glanced in his direction. Despite the fact he was, well, a cold-hearted bastard, he was excellent at what he did. I admired that and drove myself to the be the same way.

...Not to mention he was easy on my sleep-deprived eyes. Anyway.

Captain Kuchiki didn't even look up from his paperwork. "Good morning, Sakata-san."

And I also liked how he said my last name. It was all formal and gentlemanly and awesome.

"Hey! I don't get a 'hello' or 'good morning'?"

My expression deadpanned. "Nope."

The red-haired wonder looked a little put-out at that, and I smirked lightly to myself. He enjoyed making my life hell, so it was all I could do to make his life hell, too.

"If you want to be that way, I can be that way, Akira." His tone was mischievously wicked. The corners of his lips curled maliciously and revealed his rather sharp canines.

"Really?" I replied with a nonchalance I certainly didn't feel, and the subject was ominously dropped. I was in for it today, and I was just praying he didn't go for the glasses.

After hours of slaving over paperwork, it was finally lunch. One of hour of sweet freedom to relax and rest my aching wrist. At this rate, I was going to get carpal tunnel. _Seriously._

For a while, I contentedly gnawed on my lunch as I sat in the peaceful silence of the balcony; and I listened at the chatter of the people in the courtyard and the whisper of the late-summer breeze. But, in the back of my mind, I was waiting. Renji was sure not to forget an opportunity to screw with my brain, and it was working. I was seriously beginning to get paranoid.

Then it suddenly happened: his chuckle alerted me of his presence, and his calloused fingers appeared from behind me to whisk my glasses away. My clear picture suddenly became a blobby, indeterminable smear; and a _whoosh _alerted me that my aggressor had made a run for it.

"Damn it, Renji!" I shrieked as I attempted to run after the mass of red that I could determine in my sightless state.

He leaped off the balcony and whooped, "Come an' get 'em, sweetheart!"

With a growl, I pounced on the blurry wad I thought was the banister.

What do you know? It wasn't the banister at all.

A queasy sensation rose in my stomach as the ground rushed toward me. I plummeted all of three stories, and I landed with a sickening crunch on the flag-stone of the courtyard.

All I remember was pain like hellfire shooting from the tips of my toes to the top of my head before I blacked out.

–

I woke up in the Fourth Division hospital. I felt like hell. My right leg throbbed something awful, and my eyes burned from the assault of all the bright white light on my retinas.

"How do you feel?" a kind voice asked above me. My eyes eventually adjusted to the light, and in doing so, revealed that Retsu Unohana, the captain of the Fourth Division, was inspecting my progress.

"Crappy," I answered honestly.

She chuckled quietly and smiled wryly. "Well, I can imagine why you feel that way. Your body went into shock after your tibia and fibula shattered, so you're just now experiencing the pain."

Wait...back up. What...?

MY LEG WAS BROKEN?

I placed my head in my hands. Oh, Gods, I was done for. "Captain Unohana," I questioned feebly, "can I get a doctor's order against Captain Kuchiki's icy death glare?"

I could tell she was finding me very entertaining. "I'm sure I can do that for you, Sakata-san. Would you mind telling me what happened?"

"Let's see...my lieutenant captain stole my glasses. He jumped off the balcony with them, and I attempted to go after him. Obviously it didn't work."

"Hm," she hummed with amusement. "I'd say you've had a bad day. Now, I'm going to hand you a bottle of pain medication." She pressed it into my palm. Without my glasses, it looked like an blob of orange. "Take it every four to six hours with food. Also, keep your cast out of water, so that means no showers. Your bones will take about four of five months to heal, even with all the healing remedies I'll give you, since they didn't break very cleanly at all."

I could only gape at her like a fish. Four or five months out of commission? Captain Kuchiki could replace me so easily during that time! Holy crap, I was _screwed_.

...And Renji was doubly screwed. If the captain didn't kill him, _I_ was going to.

"Make sure you don't do anything too strenuous on your leg. It's good to pace yourself, but not to make your condition worse, all right?" She patted my arm to comfort me, though it had no effect. "I'll get you a pair of crutches. There's a glass of water, so go ahead and take your medicine. I'd advise you to stay here until your medication takes affect. Walking will be hard, even with it."

I nodded numbly as she disappeared from the room. I crossed my arms and began to plan Renji's painful and untimely demise.

Captain Unohana reappeared a moment later carrying what I guessed were my crutches. She seemed to notice my dark and conniving mood. "Don't tell me you're going to try to do something stupid that could make your injury worse..." I couldn't clearly make out her face, but I could _feel _her dangerous aura. That set my skin to crawling in mere seconds.

"Wouldn't dream of it, Captain!" I squeaked in horror.

At my absolute confirmation, her sinister mood instantly lightened back to its normal, motherly state. "Good! Now, these are going to take some getting used to." She handed me the crutches. "And you have a visitor. He's been asking about you all evening."

Dread and fury churned in my stomach all at once. I popped my knuckles. "Captain, you might need to prepare for another seriously-injured patient."

Her tone was mischievous. "I hope not."

She slid open the door to the infirmary and allowed Renji inside. "Just don't stress her out too much, will you, Lieutenant Abarai?" She smiled at him teasingly before she walked out of the door and vanished conveniently.

Fat chance of that.

–

Renji had decided he was seriously screwed. Despite the fact he'd already been _severely _lectured by his captain already, he expected to get that treatment a few more times from several different people. Not to mention that Akira would probably, once again, seriously reduce his chance of ever producing children.

Come on, he didn't mean for _this _to happen! So, yeah, he _did _take her glasses. But all he wanted was for her to pay him some special attention, not break her freaking leg!

So he'd admit it. He had a bit of a schoolboy crush on Akira, though he didn't understand why. She had about as much shape as a freaking pole...and she was reclusive, eccentric, and much too serious! But he thought she was actually kind of pretty with her healthy black hair, expressive brown eyes, and silly little half-smile. And he just _loved _to get her riled up. Now that was entertaining!

Renji didn't quite know when this all started, but he was pretty sure it was around the time he came to the devastating conclusion that he'd never have Rukia's romantic attention. She and Ichigo were all wrapped up in each other; he could tell when they googly-eyed one another (when the other wasn't looking, of course). He'd been moping around by himself at lunch one day when she came and sat on the bench beside him and said, "All right, what's eating at you?"

She hadn't been transferred for very long and she seemed much too antisocial, so he hadn't brought it upon himself to like her yet. But there was something about the openness in her face that had caused him to spew his sorrows like word vomit. She listened very seriously as he counted practically his whole life story, since Rukia had always been a big part in it. Once he had finally stopped, she gazed at him gravely. "Lieutenant, I'm going to tell you my god-to-honest opinion, okay?"

His eyebrows furrowed in curiosity before he hesitantly nodded his head. "Sure. Go ahead."

"Okay, then. _Grow_ a set, Lieutenant; girls don't like pussies."

Ah, it was the beginning of a beautiful friendship, if he did say so himself.

But enough nostalgia for now. It was time to face the matter at hand: an angry Akira.

He flinched at her pinched expression and glassy eyes. Her eyes got glassy when she was really angry...he would know. That's how she looked every time she attacked him.

She caught sight of him, and her face darkened into a downright scowl. He suddenly remembered many of her major flaws: she was callous, sarcastic, malicious, and incredibly violent. Why did he have a soft spot for her again?

Against his better judgment, he decided to crack a joke, just to infuriate her more. "Ya know, your face could freeze like that. Not a pretty sight."

The glare she gave him was so chilling he instinctively held his hands up in defense. "I-I kid! Geez!"

Akira said nothing as she clenched her jaw, crossed her arms, and looked away from him.

He sighed and plopped down hard enough on the edge of Akira's hospital bed to make her grimace. Glancing down in utter shame, he said, "Ya know, I really am sorry. Here."

–

I angrily snatched my glasses from Renji's outstretched fingers and slid my glasses up the bridge of my nose with practiced ease. His infuriatingly gorgeous face suddenly focused into view, and my fists were itching to bash it in. "Sorry ain't gunna cut it this time. I'm out of the game, and I blame you."

"I blame your clumsiness."

Screw it.

My knuckles made resounding contact with his nose, and the force of my punch was so great that he flipped off the bed and unceremoniously landed face-first on the tiled floor. Which, to my great satisfaction, made his broken nose even worse.

"So my comment was uncalled for..." a nasally voice whined from the floor. A decided crack preceded many furious curses, and Renji reappeared beside me, his nose otherwise straight but gushing blood everywhere.

It was a bit gross, honestly, so I seized a wad of gauze from the operating table beside my bed and shoved them in his face. "Here, stupid."

Renji smiled slyly as he dabbed at the blood under his nose. "Aw, 'Kira, I didn't know you cared so much! I'm flattered!"

For the strangest reason, I began blushing at that. So, trying to save face, I turned away from him a bit and crossed my arms. "I don't. You're bleeding everywhere, and it's gross."

His smile grew more impish by the second, and he patted my shoulder smugly. "Keep tellin' yourself that, doll."

I scowled at him and turned even redder. He actually seemed a little embarrassed by the reaction he was getting from me (I sure as hell was), so he moved his gaze toward the clock on the wall beside us.

"Shit!" he hissed before he unceremoniously gathered me up in his arms. "We were supposed to be back five minutes ago!"

I barely just grabbed my crutches before he began scrambling out of the room. "Wait, did Captain Unohana discharge me?"

He began to use shunpo. "Let's hope so!"

I was trying my best not to look like a tomato as we sped over many a building. Geez, being pressed up against Renji's sinewy frame did wonders for my realization of just how sexy and _tank-like _Renji's physique was. The moon was gorgeously full tonight, but we didn't have the time to stop and admire it, since we were in a fierce rush to get back at a decent time. Byakuya Kuchiki, in no way, tolerated tardiness.

We came to a screeching halt just in front of the captain's desk, and Renji roughly dropped me on my feet. I yelped as the pain flared up my leg, and I spat, _"Ow,_ you stupid bastard!"

"Well, geez, I'm sorry!" he hissed back at me, and it was obviously the beginning of an argument before we practically _heard _Captain Kuchiki's eyebrow twitch.

We saluted and dropped the argument instantaneously. "Excuse our lateness, sir!"

His glared at us rather nastily as he smoothly laced his fingers under his chin. "And, may I ask, the cause for your delay?"

We pointed at each other.

He sighed at our childish behavior. "Why don't we ask our injured patient first?"

...Crap. How to get out of this...I could mention how Renji tortured me, but then he could bring up how I broke his nose. I hoped the captain didn't notice the gauze I had discreetlyshoved up Renji's nose before we arrived...Crap, crap, crap! "Uh...er...we were enjoying some playful banter and lost track of time?"

"You call a broken nose 'playful banter'?"

Renji and I both cringed. The captain hadn't failed to notice. Not that anyone would fail to notice. I smiled sheepishly. "I...guess not, sir."

His wry mouth twitched severely, and he nodded stiffly. "I am going to let you both off this time, but don't expect me to be so forgiving next time. We have order to uphold. Now get back to your paperwork."

We both nodded vigorously and released our held breaths. As Renji sauntered casually back toward his desk, I stared at my crutches a bit helplessly. I hadn't had a chance to try them out yet, and I obviously had proved how graceful I was earlier today...

Renji, sadly, hadn't failed to observe this. "Hey, Akira, I'll help you back to your desk if you need me to." He had already begun to get up, but I shooed him back down.

"No, no," I retorted a bit defensively. "I got this!" I situated myself on my crutches as I could, and I wobbled a bit precariously toward my desk.

About halfway there, I shifted the wrong way. I, to my great embarrassment, squealed as I pitched wildly to my right; but before I ever came close to hitting the ground, a flash of red appeared and grabbed under my elbows to steady me.

I didn't know whether to be thankful or offended that he had used shunpo just to catch me.

"All right, you stubborn woman, I got you into this mess; so, let me just help you out!" He pretty much snatched my crutches from me before he slung one of my arms over his broad shoulders and half-carried me back to my desk. He even pulled out my chair from under my desk and carefully placed me in it. Yeah, I would be lying if I said I wasn't at least a little impressed with his act of chivalry.

And I wasn't fond of chivalrous acts.

–

About a month later, I hobbled back to my apartment in a very pleasant mood. We all had busted our rear ends today, so we were all able to return home before the wee hours of the night! And I was also scheduled for a day off tomorrow, so I was extra pleased to be able sleep in tomorrow morning.

I turned down the airy corridor, only to see Renji pressed against the wall of the outside my apartment. I was wondering of a couple of things—why was he even _at _my apartment, and how in the heck did he beat me here? Then I noticed with a bit of worry how girlishly fretful he looked, with the whole lip-gnawing business. Rather unlike him to be nervous. And if he kept that up, I was going to have to kiss them better...

...Gods, did I just actually think that? Must be the side effects of the medicine.

...Yeah, who am I kidding?

I just re-secured my crutches and tried my best not to let my worry show as I half-stumbled toward my doorway.

Let's get something straight—bad things have happened when Renji's showed up at my place. The last time, Renji had forgotten to keep his promise to feed my next door neighbor's pet fish while my neighbor was away on a mission...so he had begged me to help him hide the evidence while he bought a new fish for him. Needless to say, I had forced him to 'fess up like a man.

"Hey," he mumbled at me, "I...have some news." He almost seemed to not want to meet my eyes. I was _definitely _getting worried, but I opted to ease the obvious tension.

I placed my hand on my chest dramatically, and I made sure to look greatly taken aback. "Whose pet did you murder this time?"

Despite his sudden seriousness, he broke out into a nervously silly grin before he looked back down at his feet again. At least he seemed a little more relaxed. "...I'm leaving."

I was in a bit of a teasing mood. "What, is the captain scaring you that badly?"

I smirked impishly as he rolled his eyes, sighed, and shook his head. "I'm serious, Akira. Captain Hitsugaya's assembling a team to help the Ryoka defeat Aizen's forces. I've been asked to go."

My stomach dropped at the thought of all the danger Renji and the others would be in, but I must say, I was very impressed with Renji that he got asked to go. "...Wow."

"So...are you okay with that?"

Erm, excuse me? "...What? Why the heck are you asking me? It's you that's going, not me."

He looked almost devastated at that. Why did I have a very strong suspicion that I just said the wrong thing? "Well," I began a bit irritably, "what do you want me to say?"

He suddenly reminded me of a spluttering deer caught in headlights. "Well, uh...that you, um..."

"Just spit it out!"

"That you don't want me to go!"

"...What? Why would I tell you that? You wouldn't listen to me, anyway!"

"W-Well!" he sputtered angrily, "What if I don't want to leave you all alone?"

This kid seriously wasn't making any sense. "Leave me all alone? What the hell is that supposed to mea—"

"Because someone could snatch you up while I'm gone!" he interrupted violently.

"Snatch me u—Oh." _Oh. _Okay. "Wow...really? I think my voice cracked.

He turned so red his face almost matched his hair. "Well...uh...yeah."

I attached myself to the wall beside Renji and attempted to take slow, deep breaths because I was suddenly feeling very woozy. I was having a rather difficult time just processing the sheer _magnitude _of this confession. I seriously hadn't considered this happening because I hadn't even allowed myself to. I thought Rukia ran that circus...since when did _I_ even come into the picture?

Yes, I found Renji physically attractive. Yes, when I wasn't being tortured, I enjoyed Renji's company. Yes, I all-around _liked _Renji. Probably more than I should have, when I thought about it honestly. But romantic relationships tended to be a doomed pastime in the Court Guards. Our work _was _our lives, so our own interests tended to take the back seat. And then you add Renji's danger-filled departure to the Human World very soon...

Oh, Gods, I was over-thinking this.

My bewilderment bloomed into hysteria, and I was soon cackling like mental institution patient. The concerned look on Renji's face only caused me to cackle harder. About five minutes into my perpetually insane giggling, Renji's patience looked thoroughly taxed. My loony laughter died down into a few soft snickers, and I was finally able to catch my breath. I realized then...I was okay with this. I was okay with being romantically involved with that exasperating red-haired wonder.

"So..." I began slowly, "We had to have that argument just for you to admit that you liked me and wanted me to wait for you?"

"Well! Uh..." A flush re-blossomed on his face, and he scratched his cheek and looked down at his feet. "Yeah."

"Okay, then," I replied as I nodded and looked toward the slowly-darkening sky. "If you're worried about me finding some other 'knight in a shihakushô,' don't be. I'll be too busy worrying about your sorry butt to even be swept off my feet." His face suddenly brightened with happiness, and I smiled shyly in return.

He suddenly smirked in a very roguish manner, and my pulse instantly picked up when his gaze turned intense. Then he pressed his hands on the wall surrounding me, which prevented me from any sort of escape...that is, if I didn't want to do something greatly painful to him. As his face slowly drew closer to mine, my heart rattled its way into my throat. I'm sure I'm, to my eternal embarrassment, even redder than his hair at this point.

His lips crashed down upon mine, and all coherent thought was out of the window. I curled my fingers into the edge of his robe and instantly kissed back just as hard. This was, of course, just a tiny bit messy, since we were practically attacking each other.

We broke our kiss for mere seconds before our lips collided again, this time with Renji wrapping his arms around my waist and mine following to wrap around his neck. Which, despite my height, was a feat in itself because he was still at least a head taller than me. I don't know when his hair-tie came undone because, before I knew it, my fingers were tangled in his surprisingly luscious locks .

Renji fisted the part of my robe that settled just underneath my shoulder blades, and our kiss grew even deeper. My knees were weakening beneath me, but that's probably because my lungs felt like they were about to burst.

We seemed to both get the same idea because we both broke apart with a gasp. As we both appreciatively gulped air into our grateful lungs, I readjusted my glasses, and he pulled his hair back into its normal, wildly messy ponytail. I was honestly a little sad to see him pull it back up because...let's face it...Renji's even hotter with his hair down.

He seemed quite surprised when I swiped a hand over his mouth. "What was that for?"

"Well, you're covered in my slobber," I replied with a bit of grimace. "That's kinda gross."

He laughed and mirrored my previous action. "Well, you're the same way!" He then took the liberty of stroking my cheek with his thumb. His hands were a little rough, but it was actually kind of pleasant.

"So...you still never answered my question."

I groaned. "What question, Renji?"

"If you were okay with me going with Captain Hitsugaya."

I rolled my eyes. "You'll do what you want, regardless of what I say."

"At least I'm attempting to consult you."

"Well, I think you should go."

"Honestly?"

I scoffed. "Christ, Renji, when have you known me not to be honest?"

Renji smirked. "True." He moved to fiddling with the choppy ends of my hair. "So, I can trust you won't be charmed out of your pants while I'm gone?"

"Seriously?" I deadpanned. "Are you _trying_ to get me to break your knee cap?"

He flinched but smiled infuriatingly nonetheless. "So...I'll take that as a yes that you'll wait around 'til I get back?"

"Well, not know for my patience...but I suppose I can I try. No drag-assing."

"No drag-assing," he repeated with mock solemnity before he captured my lips in another mind-blowing kiss.

I had a feeling romantic involvement with that cocky, red-headed bastard wasn't going to be half-bad.

* * *

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